The Jedi Movie
by Daniel Fielder
Summary: Human, Luke Skywalker, goes to Hollywood to follow his dream of making people happy, picking up friends along the way, leading to the group being chased by Nute Gunray who wants to use Kirk for his own money making commercial schemes.
1. The First Screening

Here's an idea I've had for awhile, so please keep an opened mind.  
Disclaimer: The Muppets belong to Jim Henson and Disney, and Star Wars belong to George Lucas, Warner Brothers, Disney, and 20th Century Fox.

* * *

**The Jedi Movie  
**Prologue: The First Screening

It was a bright shiny day at 21st Century Fox studios. A car drove up to the gate guard.  
"Hello, I'm Xanatos." Xanatos said.  
"I'm Granta Omega." Granta added. "We're here to heckle The Jedi Movie.  
"Gentlemen, that's straight ahead." The guard said. "Private Screening Room B."  
"Private screening?" Xanatos asked.  
"Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public." Granta replied as the two laughed.  
They then drove onwards.  
"Look at this place." Xanatos said. "What a dump."

In the screening room, Mara Jade, one of the stars of the movie, was talking to some of her friends.  
"Yeah, I know, it was great." Mara said with a smile as a large Wookiee named Zalbaar appeared.  
"Hey lady, is this seat taken?" Zalbaar asked as he pulled the seats next to Mara away.  
"Hey you, bring that back!" Mara shouted out.  
"Oh man, I'm so nervous." Wedge Antilles, another star said. "If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself."  
"Well then, you'll have to get another apartment, won't you?" Qui-Gon Jinn said with a smile. As Wedge smiled too at the joke.  
"You know, I heard that this movie is dynamite." Carth, a supporting actor in the film, said with a smile.  
"Popcorn!" A supporting actor named HK-47 said. "Fresh organic popcorn, only a buck."  
"Oh honey, buy me some, please?" Bastila Shan asked her boyfriend, Revan.  
"Oh sure." Revan said. "Nothing's too good for my woman."  
"I'll go for some too!" The semi-unstable Canderous called out. "This will be glorious!"  
"Well I like the movie fine, so far." Xanatos said.  
"It hasn't started yet." Granta pointed out.  
"That's what I like about it." Xanatos added with a smirk as the two laughed.  
Luke Skywalker, the host for the screening and one of the stars of the film walked down as he was stopped by Wullf Yularen.  
"Luke, does this film have culturally redeeming values?" Yularen asked.  
"I certainly hope so, Wullf." Luke said before turning to his girlfriend and co-star. "Hey Mara."  
"Hey Luke." Mara said. "I tried to save you a seat, but someone took it."  
"No worries." Luke said as he got in front of everybody. "Okay everyone, welcome to the first screening of the Jedi Movie."  
Everyone cheered.  
"Now before we begin, I'd like to give thanks to everyone who made this film possible. Starting with the hair dressers to the costume designers and-"  
"Luke, I don't think speeches are necessary." Mara pointed out. "We can just watch the credits at the end. Roll the film."  
"Well I just wanted to thank-" Luke began when Canderous began shouting.  
"ROLL THE DARN FILM!"  
"Okay, okay." Luke said calmly. "Roll the film!"  
Scott then sat down to his nephew, Anakin, who had dark brown hair and blue eyes.  
"Uncle Luke, is this how you guys really got started?" Anakin asked.  
"Well it's approximately what happened." Luke said with a smile as they turned to the screen.

* * *

I know some of you will be angry with me mixing Muppets and Jedi, but I figured on giving it a shot, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think. Just please keep it PG.


	2. The Rainbow Connection

Chapter 1: The Rainbow Connection

Luke Skywalker was relaxing in his family farm as he played a banjo and relaxed.  
_Why are there so many songs about rainbows  
and what's on the other side?  
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,  
and rainbows have nothing to hide.  
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.  
I know they're wrong, wait and see.  
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.  
The lovers, the dreamers and me._

Who said that every wish would be heard  
and answered when wished on the morning star?  
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.  
Look what it's done so far.  
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing  
and what do we think we might see?  
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.  
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?  
I've heard them calling my name.  
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors?  
The voice might be one and the same.  
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.  
It's something that I'm supposed to be.  
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.  
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

As Luke finished singing, he heard a voice call out for help. He walked up to the large river beside his house and looked as a man came by on a boat.  
"This is a serious call for help here!" The man shouted out. "You with the sunglasses and the banjo!"  
"Yeah?" Luke asked. "What do you need?"  
"I have lost my sense of direction!" The man said.  
"Have you tried Harry Fisher?" Luke asked.  
"No, I mean I'm really lost." The man said.  
"So where do you wanna go?" Luke asked.  
"Out of this state." The man said. "I've gotta catch a plane."  
"Oh." Luke said. "So you need to find the airport. It's just downstream."  
"Thank you." The man said.  
"Just watch out for the alligators." Luke warned.  
"Right." The man said. "Wait, alligators?! Did you say alligators?"  
"Read my lips." Luke said plainly. "Alligators."  
"It's just that I'm not used to alligators where I'm from." The man said. "You see, I'm an agent from Hollywood."  
"Hollywood?!" Luke said in awe. "Did you say Hollywood?!"  
"Read my lips kid." The man said. "Hollywood. You know. The dream town. Hey, don't you ever see the movies."  
"Oh yeah." Luke said. "There's a double feature in town every Friday."  
"Hey, wait a minute." The agent said. "There's an ad in here that you should be very interested in."  
The agent opened a paper and turned to a quarter page ad with the 21st century Fox logo on it.  
"'21st Century Fox studios announces open auditions for people seeking to become rich and famous.'" Luke read. It sounded interesting, but it didn't sound like Luke's cup of tea. "Thanks anyway, but I'm really quite happy here."  
"Oh, if I were you, I'd definitely consider this audition very carefully." The man said quickly. "You've got talent kid. I heard you singing. Come on. You could make millions of people happy."  
"Millions of people happy?" Luke asked.  
"That's right." The agent said. "If you ever come to Hollywood, look me up."  
The agent then handed Luke a card.  
"The name's George Lucas." George said.  
"Well, you better get moving to catch that plane, Mr. Lucas." Luke said. "Well... See you in the movies."  
George Lucas smiled and rowed off.  
Luke then chewed on what George Lucas said.  
"I'd miss this old place but... Millions of people happy." Luke sighed.  
He knew what to do. He got his bike out of the shed, made sure he had money in his pocket, and rowed off.

* * *

Hooray! Luke's beginning his journey!


	3. Wedge Antillles

Chapter Two: Wedge Antilles

After an hour or so of riding, Luke passed what seemed to be a billboard advertising something called "Nute Gunray's French Fired Frog Legs".  
"What the...?" Luke asked himself. The very idea of that stuff always made Luke's stomach turn. He'd tried a frog leg as a kid, and he spent the rest of the night in the bathroom.  
Beside the billboard, a Neimoidian man with a black and blue robe was talking to a construction crew, usually shouting "Don't step on the asphalt!"  
Luke had to admit, this Nute Gunray guy worked quickly as the man smiled and waved at Luke who waved back.  
"Hey, you on the bike, watch out!" The Neimoidian shouted when Luke looked up and saw a steam roller coming right at him!  
Thinking quickly, Luke used the Force to jettison himself up just before the steam-roller turned his bike into a pancake. Scott sighed as he sat on the sidewalk.  
"Phew." Luke sighed. "That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street without any warning cones or marking the thing off. If it wasn't for the Force, I'd be gone with the Schwinn."

That night, Luke arrived at a place called the El Sleezo Café.  
"Yeash." Luke groaned. "I wonder what kind of food they serve. Doesn't sound very appetizing, but... a guy's gotta eat."  
Just then, a man was flung out of the restaurant.  
"Rough place, huh?" Luke asked.  
"That is the toughest, meanest, filthiest pest hole on the face of the earth!" The man said.  
"Well why not complain to the owner?" Luke asked.  
"I am the owner." The man replied.  
"Oh..." Luke said with some shock. "Uh... Sorry."  
Luke went in and found that the place was made up mostly of tough guys, sailors, bikers, and such, and their girlfriends. Luke walked up to the bar as a brunette woman turned to him.  
"Hey, sailor." The woman said. "Buy me a drink?"  
"Uh..." Luke said as he reddened badly. "I'm not a sailor."  
"Ah, cut the small talk and buy me a drink." The woman said offhandedly.  
"But I don't even know you." Luke pointed out when a sailor came up.  
"Hey, you making out with my girl?" The man asked.  
"No sir." Luke insisted.  
"He did to." The woman said. "He touched me."  
"Oh, now that is a completed myth!" Luke insisted.  
"A what?" The man asked.  
"A myth!" Luke repeated. "Myth!"  
"Yes?" A blond woman in a black shoulder-less dress and red boa asked as she walked up.  
"What the hey?" Luke asked.  
"That happens a lot." The man said.  
Just then, a man's voice shouted out, "Show time! Show time at the El Sleezo!"  
Scott took a look at the stage.  
"And now, filling in for the vacationing El Sleezo dancing girls, the funny, fabulous, Wedge Antilles!"  
Just then, the curtains opened to reveal an eighteen-year-old boy with brown hair to only one man clapping his hands together... To kill a fly.  
"Thank you, ladies and germs!" The boy, Wedge called out. "You're a great crowd. Here I am, Wedge Antilles, here to tell you jokes both old and timeless!"  
Everyone already began booing the poor kid.  
"Well, let's start things up with a bang." Wedge said as someone shot at him and missed. "Thanks for that, sir."  
"This guy's lost." Luke groaned.  
"Maybe he should try Harry Fisher." A waiter said.  
"Good grief." Luke groaned. "What a weak running gag."  
"Uh..." Wedge continued, finally feeling the stress apparently. "There was this sailor who was so fat-"  
"How fat was he?!" A very large sailor asked as he smashed a bottle against the table, and it shattered.  
"He was so fat that everyone liked him, and there was nothing funny about him at all, the end." Wedge said timidly.  
After that, everyone began throwing food at Wedge.  
"Oh no!" Wedge groaned. "I just cleaned up this room! I'm a professional! I've had three performances."  
"Do you know any dance routines?" Luke asked as he walked to the stage.  
"Not really." Wedge said. "Do you?"  
"Play something snappy, sir." Luke said to the piano man.  
"Got it!" The man said as he played the piano.  
"Now dance!" Luke said quickly as the two danced.

At the window, Rune Haako saw the guy from earlier and showed him to his boss, Nute Gunray. Gunray looked at Luke's dancing and smirked.  
Haako knew that Gunray was happy with who he had found.

"Too bad the dancing girls are on vacation." Luke sighed. "The crowd's getting ugly."  
"You think this crowd is ugly?" Wedge asked. "You should see the dancing girls."  
After the dance was finished, everyone on stage rushed at Luke and Wedge. They tossed Wedge over the bar, and tossed Luke up as he was flung into wall. He didn't want to use the Force against these guys as it wouldn't be fair, but he was definitely getting groggy from the toss.  
Just then, Wedge came up in a bartender's uniform and a beard.  
"Okay everybody drinks on the house!" Wedge called out as all the men rushed out excitedly.

On the roof of the El Sleezo, the men looked around confused. There were no drinks on the house.

Back at the bar, Wedge sighed and took off the fake beard.  
"Works every time." Wedge said with a smile.  
"Nice job." Luke said in amazement. "Well listen, my name is Luke Skywalker, and I'm on my way to Hollywood."  
Luke saw a lot of potential in Wedge and figured he just needed an outlet.  
"Hollywood?!" Wedge asked excitedly. "Big time showbiz?! That's always been my dream!"  
"Well they're looking for guys, so I figured, why not go together?" Luke asked.  
"My car's right outside!" Wedge said with a smile.  
They walked outside and got into an old crème Studebaker.  
"Wow." Luke said. "A Studebaker. Where'd you get it?"  
"My uncle left it to me." Wedge said casually.  
"Oh." Scott said. "Is he dead?"  
"No." Wedge said plainly. "He's in Florida."  
Wedge drove off, followed by a mysterious black car that carried Nute Gunray.

* * *

Uh-oh. Now we get to the point of interest.


	4. Nute Gunray

Chapter 3: Nute Gunray

"You know, Wedge, you really do have a lot of talent." Luke said with a smile.  
"Thank you." Wedge said happily.  
"How about you and me making up an act?" Luke asked.  
"Nope, sorry." Wedge said. "I only work in the single."  
"Oh." Luke said. "Alright."  
After thinking for a moment, Wedge knew that not working with Luke may take him back to a place like El Sleezo.  
"Alright, you talked me into it!" Wedge called out. "We'll be a team!"  
"Oh good!" Luke said with a smile.  
Just then, they arrived at a road block.  
"You better slow down for that, Wedge." Luke advised.  
"Yes sir." Wedge said plainly.  
They stopped and suddenly noticed that there wasn't any kind of road work to warrant the road block.  
"Hey, what's going on?" Luke asked when a Neimoidian in a red robe walked up.  
"Hello gentlemen." The Neimoidian said. "I'm a business man with a proposition. Let me show you something that might change your whole life."  
Luke and Wedge got out and arrived at an electronics store with a television in the front.  
"Now this is the kind of chance you can't afford to pass up." The Neimoidian said as he held up a remote control. "Watch the window."  
With a click, a television turned on, and the same man appeared holding a bright green carton full of frog's legs.  
"Hello, I'm Nute Gunray." The television Gunray said. "Inviting you to come on down and getting some delicious French Fried Frog Legs right here at the sign of with the bright green legs."  
The camera then zoomed out to reveal two plastic frog's legs acting as an arch to the restaurant Gunray was standing in front of.  
"Yeash." Luke said in disgust as several blond girls in 50s waitress uniforms came out.  
"Sweet mama!" Wedge called out as his mouth began to drool.  
"There's cheese legs." The television Gunray went on. "Finger legs. Chili legs, barbecue, or if you want a snack, try a frog leg burger, on a bright green bun."  
Gunray took the burger he mentioned and at some of it.  
"Yech." Luke said as Wedge vomited on the ground. "That was terrible! That was the most appalling, disgusting, revolting thing I've ever seen!"  
"Yes, I'm a great businessman and a nice guy, but I do lack the skills of a performer, unlike you." Gunray said.  
"Say huh?" Luke asked.  
"He's right you know." Wedge said. "You are very likable, Luke."  
"The kid's right." Gunray said. "You my little friend are gonna do all our television commercials."  
"No way." Luke insisted.  
"Now listen, there's five hundred credits up front in it for you, plus you'd be making this much every year." Gunray said as he held up a huge wad of credits.  
"Let's go, Wedge." Luke said as he walked back to the Studebaker.  
"Five hundred credits?" Wedge gaped. He never even knew someone could have five hundred credits at once. "Would you consider someone like me?"  
"WEDGE!" Luke shouted, snapping Wedge back to his senses. "Right, sorry. Lost my head."  
Wedge and Luke walked back to the Studebaker and took off.

"Hey wait!" Gunray said before the two drove off. "HAAKO!"  
Haako arrived.  
"Follow those humans!" Gunray said as Haako got in the car and drove off. "HAAKO!"  
The car teleported back to where Gunray was.  
"Follow those humans with me in the car!" Gunray called out.  
"Sorry boss, I just got so excited!" Haako said. "Hey, how about the kid, isn't he great?"  
"Yes, just go!" Gunray shouted.  
"But you promised me a reward." Haako pointed out.  
"Later Haako, now follow that car!" Gunray said as Haako drove off, with Gunray falling into his seat.

* * *

And so the chase begins!


	5. Moving Right Along

Chapter 4: Moving Right Along

By next morning, Wedge and Luke were relaxing in the sunshine.

"It's a gorgeous day!" Wedge said with a smile.

"Definitely." Luke agreed.

"Terrific day for a drive." Wedge added.

"Beautiful country out here." Luke said as he observed the road.

"A pair of guys seeing America!" Wedge said grandly.

"_Moving right along in search of good times and good news._" Luke sang as he played his banjo. "_With good friends you can't lose._"

"_This could become a habit._" Wedge observed.

_Opportunity knocks once._

_Let's reach out and grab it. (Yeah!)_

_Together, we'll nab it!_

"_We'll hitchhike, bus, or yellow cab it!_" Wedge called out grandly.

"Cab it?" Luke asked, since they were both low on money.

"Just forget it." Wedge amended, realizing what he'd said.

_Moving right along!_

_Footloose and fancy free._

_Getting there is half the fun._

_Come share it with me._

_Moving right along!_

_We'll learn to share the load._

_We don't need a map to keep this show on the road._

"Hey Wedge, turn left when we come to a fork in the road." Luke said as he read a map.

"Right!" Wedge said. "Turn left at the fork in the road."

No sooner had he said it when they arrived at a fork in the road, with a fork right at the point where it split.

"Turning left!" Wedge called out as Luke stared at the fork.

"I don't believe that." Luke said in shock.

_Moving right along._

_We've found a life on the highway._

_And your way is my way!_

_So trust my navigation!_

_California, here we come._

_Come high in the sky land!_

_All palm trees and warm sand._

"_Though sadly, we just left Rhode Island._" Wedge said nervously.

"We did what?!" Luke asked in shock.

"Just forget it." Wedge said again.

_Moving right along!_

_Hey LA, where've ya gone?_

_Send someone to fetch us, we're in Saskatoon!_

_Moving right along!_

"_You take it._" Luke said with a smile. "_You know best._"

"_Hey, I've never seen the sun come up in the west._" Wedge noted as he realized they were driving in the direction the sun was rising.

They continued on when they noticed a passing blond boy on a motorcycle.

"Hey, Wedge, look ahead." Luke noticed.

"Who is that?" Wedge asked.

"Let's see if we can give him a lift." Luke added.

"I don't know." Wedge mused. "He looks kinda tough."

They stopped anyway, and Wedge turned to the blond boy.

"Hey there." Wedge said. "Want a lift?"

"Oh, no thanks." The blond man said. "I'm on my way to New York City to meet up with my cousin and his family."

"Oh." Wedge said. "Good luck."

They then drove on.

_Moving right along._

_We're truly birds of a feather._

_We're in this together._

_And we know where we're going._

_Movie stars with flashy cars and life with the top down._

"_We're storming the big town._" Luke said with a smile.

"Yeah, storm is right." Wedge said as they got caught in a snow storm. "Should it be snowing?"

"No, I don't think so." Luke said with a sigh.

_Moving right along!_

_Footloose and fancy free!_

_Ya ready for the big time?_

_Is it ready for me?_

_Moving right along…_

_Moving right along…_

_Moving right along. . ._

By that afternoon, they noticed a huge billboard for French Fried Frog Legs.

"Maybe you better pull over for a sec." Luke said, as he wanted to see the poor dupe who signed up with Gunray.

"Got it." Wedge replied, and he pulled to the side of the road.

"Hey Luke, that's you!" Wedge called out, pointing to the picture of a bucket full of fried frog legs, and in the center, near the top, was Luke's face.

Just then, Gunray came out.

"Get the picture, boy?" Gunray said with a smile. "Mr. Luke Skywalker, symbol of Nute Gunray's French Fried Frog Legs. Isn't that splendid? Just take a look at it."

"All I can see are a lot of frogs with tiny crutches." Luke said in disgust.

"Now kid, don't you wanna be rich and famous?" Gunray asked.

"Not working for you, I don't!" Luke snapped.

"Yeah!" Wedge joined in.

"Crutches?" Rune asked.

"Shut up, Rune." Gunray said quietly before turning to Luke. "I know we're a small time operation, but we're expanding… Like a frog."

"Actually, that's a myth." Luke pointed out.

"A what?" Gunray asked.

"A myth!" Luke shouted. "MYTH!"

"Yes?" The lady from El Sleezo asked as she appeared from behind the billboard.

"Whoa." Wedge said in surprise.

"Come on, Wedge, burn rubber." Luke said.

"You've got it." Wedge said as he charged forward.

()()()()()

The car moved away, and Gunray was outraged.

"THAT'S THE SECOND TIME IN TWO DAYS!" Gunray snapped. "Well, I've done my best with that boy, now it's time for my worst. Open the door."

"No, you open the door!" Rune shouted.

"What?" Gunray asked in shock.

"I'm sorry, but the kid is right." Rune said. "You're asking him to do something terrible. I can't be a part of this. It's a moral decision, and I'll stand by it!"

"I'll double your percentage." Gunray said plainly.

"I'll open the door." Rune said a second later.

* * *

Oh, now that was fun.


	6. Can You Picture That?

Chapter 5: Can You Picture That?

As the two continued driving, Wedge asked Luke a question he'd had since they left El Sleezo.

"Luke, where are we?" Wedge asked.

"Well let's see." Luke said as he pulled out the map. We're traveling down this black line here, and we just crossed that little red line…"

As Luke talked, Wedge took a look at the map as well.

"How about we take the blue line?" Wedge asked as he saw a line that lead straight to California.

"We can't take that." Luke says. "According to the map key, that's a river."

"Oh." Wedge said. "My bad."

"Wait, Wedge, I've got a question." Luke said.

"Yeah?" Wedge asked.

"Who's driving?" Luke asked.

The two realized that neither of them were paying attention to the road and stopped just before hitting a church.

"Wedge, where did you learn to drive?" Luke asked, clutching his heart.

"I took a correspondence course." Wedge said plainly.

Luke groaned as Wedge drove into the parking lot.

"This looks like a nice quiet spot." Luke observed. "Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days."

"Yeah." Wedge said. "The funny thing is I'm still wide awake."

"Me too." Luke said just before Wedge passed out on the front seat.

"Me too." Luke said as he went to sleep too.

They had been sleeping for a few minutes when jazz music suddenly came from the church, jolting them awake.

"What is that?" Luke asked.

The two looked in through the door and found a huge band playing.

"They sure don't look like normal church goers to me." Wedge said, and he was probably right. It was filled with various people. There was a man with brown hair and brown eyes blowing a saxophone, a brunette woman in a red and tan outfit on piano, and a brown haired, unshaven man playing the guitar. They walked in.

"Cool it everybody." The brown haired man said. "It appears our morning melodies have attracted some wandering admirers."

"Hey, who are you guys?!" Luke asked.

"We are Carth Onasi and the Electric Soldiers." The man said. "I'm Carth. Golden sax to go with my golden tone."

"I'm Revan." Revan said. "I'm low bass."

"And I'm… I'm… Uh…" A bald man with the guitar began.

"Jolee!" Revan said.

"Right!" Jolee said.

"Bastila Shan." The woman said. "Charmed to meet you."

"Hello." Wedge said with a squeak in his voice.

"Wedge." Luke sighed.

"Sorry." Wedge replied.

The man at drums, dressed all in black and red, screamed and slammed himself into the drums.

"That is Canderous." Revan said. "Show 'em what you do, Canderous."

"Beat the drums!" Canderous shrieked and he pummeled them with his fists.

"He's not all there." Jolee said.

"Down Canderous!" Revan called out. "Just sit back and cool down!"

Canderous did so.

"Statement: Hey, don't forget about me!" Another voice called out, and they looked up to see a rust colored hunter-killer droid. "Information: I'm HK-47. The band's road manager."

"Oh yeah." Revan said. "The road manager. We couldn't go anywhere without him."

"So he's the one with the contacts?" Wedge asked.

"No, he's the one with the van." Carth corrected.

"Information: Yes, we're planning on turning this old church into a coffee house." HK-47 explained. "I myself will act as a bouncer. I am hopeful for extreme necessity."

"With music by us of course and refreshments… As soon as we find a cook." Bastila stated.

"It's gonna be nice and mellow and of course profitable." Carth said plainly.

"So what brings you guys here?" Revan asks.

"Well you see," Wedge began. "Luke was at a house of his and George Lucas came along and-"

"Wedge!" Luke groaned. "You can't just repeat the whole story. It'll bore the audience."

"Oh, sorry." Wedge said to the people reading this before turning to Luke. "But Luke, the band wants to know.

"Well then show them the script.

"Oh right." Wedge said as he handed the script to them. "It starts here at chapter 1. You can skip the Prologue."

"The Jedi Movie, huh?" Carth asked, glancing at the title. "'Luke Skywalker was relaxing in his family farm as he played a banjo and relaxed.'"

()()()()()

By the time Carth had gotten to the point of the script Wedge gave it to them, the two had fallen asleep.

"'The two looked in through the door and found a huge band playing.

'They sure don't look like normal church goers to me." Wedge said, and he was probably right. It was filled with various people. There was a man with brown hair with brown eyes blowing a saxophone, a brunette woman in a red and tan outfit on piano, and a brown haired, unshaven man playing the guitar. They walked in.'

"And that would be where we came in." Carth finished as he set the script down. "Not a bad narrative. Though it looks like Mr. Skywalker and Mr. Antilles or more visual since it looks like they checked out."

"Well now that we know, we've gotta keep those two away from this Gunray guy." Revan said plainly.

"Too true." Carth said plainly.

"Now what can we do to help them?" Bastila asked.

"Well, if there was a movie or a fan-fic -" Jolee began.

"Which it is." Carth pointed out.

"We'd figure out some clever plot device." Jolee finished.

"Conclusion: Like disguising their car so that it can't be recognized." HK-47 called out.

"Right!" Carth called out. "MUSICAL NUMBER!"

The five of them then went to the Studebaker and poured all kinds of paint on it as they also sang.

_Everybody's mother!_

_Everybody's brother!_

_I wanna be your lifetime friend!_

_Playing to the rockets!_

_Nothin' in my pockets!_

_I keep it in the rainbows there!_

_Whenever I have money,_

_I think of milk and honey!_

_Grinning like a Cheshire cat!_

_I focus on the pleasure!_

_Something I can treasure!_

_Can you picture that?_

_Can you picture that?!_

"Hey Revan, take a verse." Carth said as they continued.

_Let me take your picture!_

_Add it to the mixture!_

_Spirit has a caption now!_

_Really nothing to it!_

_Anyone can do it!_

_It's easy and we all know how!_

_Now begins the changing._

_Meant for rearranging._

_Nothing's where it's at._

"_Now the Eiffel tower's holding up a flower._" Carth finished with a smirk. "_Can you picture that?_"

_Can you picture that?_

_Because there's nothing out there you can't do._

_Yeah even Santa Claus believes in you._

_Deep down you believe me. Don't ya?_

_Be a better drummer._

_Be an up and comer._

_Can you picture that?_

_Can you picture that?!_

_They continued their work and play._

_All of us are winning!_

_Picking and a grinning!_

_Lordy but I love to jam!_

_Jelly belly giggling!_

_Dancing and a wiggling!_

_Honey that's the way I am!_

_I work hard in Texas!_

_I go home to relax yes!_

_I keep it underneath my hat!_

_Aurora borealis!_

_Shining down in Dallas!_

_Can you picture that?_

_Can you picture that?!_

_Can you picture!_

"_You gotta see it in your mind!_" Carth called out.

_Can you picture!_

"_You know it's quick and easy to find._" Revan pointed out.

_Can you picture!_

"_You don't have to buy a frame._" Bastila stated plainly.

_Can you picture!_

_Can you picture that?!_

_CAN YOU PICTURE THAT?!_

_Loafer if you need it._

_Don't forget to feed it._

_Can you picture that!_

By the time they were done, Luke and Wedge were up and looked at what they made. The Studebaker had been colored rainbow and looked like a hippie bus.

"Gunray will never recognize you now." Carth said plainly.

"Wow, I don't know how to thank you guys." Wedge said happily.

"I don't know why to thank you guys." Luke groaned, looking at the eye sore.

"Our pleasure, guys." Revan said warmly.

"Are you sure you won't come with us to Hollywood?" Wedge asked.

"Can't pal." Carth said. "But when you get rich and famous, maybe we'll come down to visit and exploit your wealth."

Everyone laughed as Luke turned to Wedge.

"Move it right along, Wedge." Luke said with a smile.

"Yes sir!" Wedge said.

* * *

What the flying fudge did I just write?!


	7. Han Solo

Chapter 6: Han Solo

Gunray and Haako were driving down the road as Gunray was on the phone with someone.

"I'm telling you, this kid does everything." Gunray said. "He sings, tells jokes, and he even rides a bicycle."

Gunray then turned to Haako.

"Rune, find me two humans in a tan colored Studebaker."

Just then, two humans in a rainbow colored Studebaker drove past.

"Gee, Nute, all I can see is two humans in a rainbow colored Studebaker." Haako said before realizing what he'd said.

()()()()()

As Wedge and Luke continued down the road, they saw Gunray's limo drive after them.

"Wedge, they're right behind us!" Luke called out.

"I know!" Wedge said agitatedly. "I know!"

"Well how'd they recognize us?!" Luke called out.

"Maybe they recognized you." Wedge said plainly.

"What do you mean?" Luke asked.

"Well how many people do you know who white clothing twenty-four hours a day?" Wedge explained.

"Can't you drive any faster Wedge?!" Luke called out. "They're gaining on us!"

"Nope." Wedge said. "This thing's going as fast as it can."

They then saw an ad for Faygo with a rainbow colored motive.

"Pull in front of that sign." Luke said quickly.

They did so, and Luke was right. The Electric Soldiers' paint job matched the billboard perfectly. The two ducked down and Gunray's car drove right past.

"Well that worked out pretty well." Wedge said as Luke groaned.

()()()()()

Meanwhile, on the same road, a man with a black vest and a white shirt was riding a van with his girlfriend and partner in his plunger business, Leia Organa.

"So I told Rain that just because we were sharing an apartment didn't mean I had to deal with her stupidity, so I packed up and left." Leia said, finishing a story about her friend, Rain.

"Wow, good for you!" Han said. "Now… We just need a plumbing job."

"Well no offense hon, but people are paying you to do something they can do themselves." Leia pointed out. "It's a pretty small market."

"Well that's fair." Han said as the van accidentally drifted to the wrong side of the road.

()()()()()

Luke and Wedge were driving down when they saw the van there.

"Wedge, look at that funny little van." Luke said.

"Yeah, cute isn't it?" Wedge said.

"No, I meant it's heading straight for us!" Luke called out.

"Oh." Wedge said. "AH!"

"We're gonna hit!" Luke called out when he saw that the van was now gone. "We missed it."

"Oh, you call that a miss?" Han said as he teleported down from the roof with Leia.

"How'd you do that?" Luke asked.

"I used the Force to put the van on top of the car." Leia said.

"Oh." Luke said.

It was at this point that Han began hopping up and down in the back seat.

"You guys okay?" Luke asked.

"Yeah." Leia said calmly.

"Why are you hopping up and down?" Wedge asked Han.

"Because I'm hopping mad!" Han called out.

"Guy has a sense of humor." Luke observed.

"Hey, why don't you join us?" Wedge asked.

"Where are you going?" Han asked.

"We're following our dream." Wedge said.

"Really?" Han asked. "Well I have a dream too… But you'll think it's stupid."

"No we won't." Wedge said. "Tell us."

"Well, my dream is to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star." Han said plainly.

"You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star." Wedge pointed out. "You go where we're going. Hollywood."

"Well sure, if you vant to do it the easy way."

"We picked up a weirdo…" Wedge groaned.

"You get used to it." Leia sighed.

Eventually, they arrived at a small town and a car lot.

"Hey, Mad Man Mooney's." Leia said. "It's a used car lot."

"Yeah, maybe we can trade in both these old cars and get one big one." Luke said.

"What?!" Wedge called out. "Trade in my uncle's Studebaker?!"

"That's what he said." Han confirmed.

"Oh, when he comes back from Florida, he'll kill me." Wedge groaned.

Everyone got out of the car and looked around.

"Oh, my dear friends!" The salesman said. "Welcome to Mad Man Mooney's used car lot. Today's your lucky day!"

"It is?" Luke asked.

"It is." The man said. "You see guys; you're driving the wrong car."

"I am?" Wedge asked.

"I wasn't!" Han called out angrily.

"I can put you in this German street machine for only 2,000 credits minus a twelve credit trade in on the old car." The salesman said as he patted the car he was trying to sell them, and the fender fell off. "Detachable fenders for narrow garages."

"No thanks." Luke sighed.

"Chewbacca, get out here!" The salesman said as a Wookiee with brown fur came out.

"Hey." Chewbacca said. "Chewbacca's the name. Towing the cars in the lot is the game." He said.

"Nice to meet ya." Han said calmly.

"Just move the car, Chewie." The salesman said agitatedly. Chewbacca did so and easily shoved the car away.

"Now seriously friends," the salesman went on. "Mad Man Mooney doesn't believe in all that dealing and wheeling."

As the salesman was talking, Chewbacca got bothered by a fly near a car that was priced at 1,195 credits.

"No, the price on the sticker is the price you pay and never more and never less."

Just then, Chewbacca swatted the fly as it landed on the sticker, which ended up making it read "11.95".

"We'll take that one for eleven credits and ninety-five cents." Leia said quickly.

The salesman turned around and saw it.

"That's our five dollar trade in." Han pointed out. "You owe us a nickel."

The deal went down as Chewbacca arrived with the keys.

"Hey thanks." Luke said. "By the way, we're all going to Hollywood. You wanna come with us?"

"Hollywood?!" Chewbacca said as he rushed off.

"That's weird." Luke said. "He ran off. Well, move it right along, Wedge."

"Right." Wedge said as they drove off.

()()()()()

As the car went off, Wedge raced after them with a suitcase.

"Hey you guys, wait!" Chewbacca called off. "I wanna go with you!"

He sighed and began chasing after them. He really needed to just say 'yes' or 'no' instead of rushing off.

* * *

That was fun!


	8. Never Before and Never Again

Chapter 7: Never Before and Never Again

They made a quick pit stop at a carnival to stretch their legs and get a bite to eat. As they looked around, they passed a booth for a pageant for Bogen County.

"It's time to announce the winner of this year's Bogen County Beauty Pageant." The announcer said.

"You think we should take a look, guys?" Wedge asked.

"Eh." Luke said. "What harm could it do?"

"Wow!" Han called out as the runners up came through. "What women!"

"Hey!" Leia called out.

"Oh!" Han said quickly. "No offense, Leia."

"Now before announcing the winner, I think we should thank the celebrity judges." The announcer continued. "Ulic Qel-Droma and Nomi Sunrider."

Everyone applauded.

"You're not gonna believe who the winner is, folks." Ulic groaned.

"Oh come on now, Ulic." Nomi replied. "It's their fic."

"And here she is, folks!" The announcer called out. "The new Miss Bogen County! Mara Jade!"

Mara Jade came out enamored and waved at everyone. She had beautiful red hair and emerald green eyes.

"Oh thank you everyone!" Mara called out. "Thank you so much!"

Luke was looking at her when their eyes met, and they couldn't stop staring at each other.

_Never Before… Have two souls met so freely_

_And so fast…_

_For me this is the first time,_

_And the last…_

_Is this an angel's wish for men?_

_Never before… and never again…_

_And where to find the words to sing its worth._

_This love was bound for heaven, not for Earth._

_This love was meant to light the stars._

_But when we touched, we made it ours._

_And could they take it back?_

_No they wouldn't dare._

_Why should they take it back,_

_When we're in love?_

_To share with all the world,_

_And fill the heavens above…_

_With left over love!_

_Never before…!_

_A love that keeps on going on and on!_

_To fill each other's hearts and meet the dawn!_

_Is this an angel's wish for men?!_

_Never before… And never again ...!_

_Never before… And never again . . .!_

Mara quickly walked up to Luke.

"Hi." Mara said nervously.

"Hi." Luke said nervously as well. "Uh, congratulations on winning the beauty contest."

"Oh thank you." Mara said. "Though, this isn't my usual forte. I'm really an actress/model/martial arts teacher."

"Wow." Han said.

"You know, we're gonna be performers too." Luke said.

"They are so smitten." Leia observed.

"Oh yeah." Wedge agreed. "Hey Luke, are we still getting some ice cream?"

"Oh yeah." Luke answered. "In a minute."

The others walked off.

"So what are you doing in town?" Mara asked.

"Oh, we're heading west." Luke explained.

"Ooh…" Mara said enamored. "Really?"

"Yeah." Luke answered. "I really should meet up with my friends though for the ice cream… Hey, wanna join us?"

"Me?!" Mara called out excitedly. "Yes! Yes! Just-just give me a minute!"

Mara then rushed off.

"And who says women being excitable is a myth." Luke sighed.

"A what?" Mara asked just before leaving.

"A my-" Luke said before stopping himself.

"Trust me." Luke said. "It was a weak gag."

"Alright." Mara said as she walked off.

* * *

Aw… The Nostalgia Critic is right. Two of the same joke being enough isn't a myth.

Mara: A what?

Me: A myth. MYTH!

Red boa lady: Yes?

Me: Oh, not again.


	9. Balloon Travel

Chapter 8: Balloon Travel

Wedge arrived at the ice cream cart.

"Hello." Wedge said. "I'd like some ice cream."

"Oh, what do you want?" The vender asked. "Chocolate? Vanilla? Rum banana?"

"Raspberry." Wedge said.

"Whoa, buddy." The vendor said with a laugh. "I may not know you that well, but I wouldn't wanna be rude to you."

Wedge chuckled with the vendor.

"Anyway, raspberry for me, and a cherry ripple for my friend." Wedge said.

"You got it." The vendor said as he handed Wedge the ice cream.

"Thanks." Wedge said.

"Anytime." The vendor replied.

()()()()()

While Wedge and Luke were busy, Han and Leia were walking around when Leia saw a few balloons as she looked at her wallet, and there wasn't a lot of money as she turned to Han. She was a sucker for balloons, though she'd never really figured out why.

"Alright, Leia." Han said. "Alright. I'll get you a balloon, but you have to pick the color. Red or green?"

"Can I give ya a word of advice?" The balloon salesman asked?

"What?" Han asked.

"Why not take both?" The salesman said with a smile.

"What a wild idea!" Han called out excitedly.

"Yeah, a beautiful babe like that deserves two balloons." The salesman went on.

"Oh, stop." Leia chuckled in a way that meant the exact opposite of what she just said.

"No, he's right!" Han insisted, not understanding Wanda's tone.

"I've got a bunch of guys coming through here; sometimes they get a bunch of balloons for their girls." The salesman said. "They go gaga for them."

"Gaga?!" Han repeated. "I'll take the whole bunch!"

"Uh… Han…" Leia began as she felt that all the balloons were a little much.

However, Han already gave him the money, and the vender gave Han the balloons.

()()()()()

Luke was looking around the festival, having lost track of the others in the crowd.

"Han?" Luke asked. "I wonder where he went. Uh… Wedge?"

"Luke!" Wedge called out as he came up with two ice creams. "Oh hey, Luke."

Wedge then looked around.

"Where's your ginger friend?" Wedge asked.

"Well I'm not really sure." Luke said. "She said she was coming with us for ice cream, but-"

"Yoo-hoo!" Mara called as she rushed to the two in casual clothes and holding a suitcase. "Here I am! Here I am! I'm packed! I'm packed!"

"I can see that." Luke said. "What for?"

"You said I could come with you." Mara said, confused.

"Yeah, to buy ice cream, not to Hollywood." Luke said.

"Hollywood?!" Mara called out. "I just thought you were headed to Disneyland! Please, let me come!"

"Well…" Luke said. He did feel like one more person wouldn't make a difference. They still had a fair amount of time, and plenty of seats. "Sure."

Just then, Leia rushed up in a panic.

"Guys!" Leia called out. "It's terrible! Awful, all my fault, and we just wasted ten credits!"

"What?" Luke asked.

"It's Han!" Leia said. "I talked him into buying me a balloon, and the guy that looked like Richard Pryor talked him into buying the whole bunch!"

"And?" Luke asked.

"The balloons floated him away." Mara answered.

"You telepathic?" Leia asked.

"Yes." Mara said. "But he's also floating over us."

Luke looked up and sure enough, Han was floating in the air, holding onto several balloons.

"Han, what are you doing?!" Luke asked in alarm.

"About seven naughts!" Han answered.

"We'll follow you!" Luke called to the rapidly disappearing Han. "To the car, Wedge!"

"Yes sir!" The three then rushed to the car.

"Han, we're coming!" Luke called out to Han.

()()()()()

The group quickly chased after Han, with Leia and Mara working together as navigators.

"Step on it, Wedge!" Luke called out.

"Yes sir!" Wedge replied.

"Oh, Luke." Mara said with a smile. "You're a born leader."

"Now where is he?" Luke said after blushing a little at Mara's remark.

"Up ahead near a wheat field." Leia said quickly.

()()()()()

Han was floating along quite contentedly, looking over the world and God's creations.

"Oh, isn't this great?" Han said to himself. He wasn't that worried since he had practiced free falling as a kid. "Here I am, floating in space… Or the air, rather. Either way, this is the place to be!"

()()()()()

Down below, Luke got a look at Han as he began floating off due to the wind.

"Wedge, bare left!" Luke called out.

"What?" Wedge asked.

"Bare left!" Luke repeated.

Wedge turned to look at Leia. She wasn't bare.

"No, turn left!" Luke groaned.

"Oh, right." Wedge said. "I knew that."

()()()()()

Han was still in the sky as he saw the car driving by, looking like a toy.

"Wow, look at our little car down there!" Han called out. "It's like flying! Oh wait, it is flying."

Just then, Han noticed another car following theirs.

"Hey, who are those guys?" Han wondered to himself.

()()()()()

Back on the ground, Haako and Gunray were following the car as Haako looked up with binoculars.

"Hey Nute, isn't that the human up there?" Haako was having trouble getting a clear look at the figure, and he didn't see the guy's face until after he had already asked the question.

"No, that's the human up there!" Nute called out, exasperated.

()()()()()

Luke and the others were so focused on Han that he and Wedge failed to recognize Gunray's car.

"He's caught in the cross-winds, Wedge!" Luke called out. "We're gonna lose him!"

"Oh no!" Han called out in alarm.

"I'm gonna try and steady him out." Mara said as the balloons seem to drift back to the road, against the wind.

()()()()()

Meanwhile, Haako noticed Gunray pulling out a blaster riffle.

"Ah!" Haako called out in alarm. "What are ya doing, Nute?!"

"I'm going after the tires." Gunray responded plainly.

()()()()()

Mara's plan had worked, and Han stayed on course until the wind began working with them.

"Thanks Mara." Luke said. "We're okay now."

"Phew." Mara said.

"Wait a minute!" Luke said. "I think he's beginning to come down. Stay with him, Wedge!"

"Right!" Wedge called out.

"He's right above us!" Leia said as she forced the top of the car off, making it fly off into the fields.

"He's okay." Luke sighed.

"Yeah, hi Han!" Wedge said as he opened the door.

"WEDGE, GET BACK IN HERE!" Luke shouted.

"Huh?" Wedge asked.

"I said get back-" Luke began, but too late. The car slammed into a billboard for a pie factory, launching a pie filled with whipped cream into the air as it landed on a car just behind them.

()()()()()

Haako was so caught off guard by the pie flying at them that he broke right there as it landed right on the car, covering it in whipped cream as Gunray's shot went wild, obliterating all but two of the balloons Han was holding onto as he began literally falling.

()()()()()

"Oh… Crud!" Han called out as he fell, getting caught telekinetically by Luke, Mara, and Leia and gently set into the car.

"Gun it, Wedge." Luke said, having noticed Gunray's car when he looked at the pie crashing into it.

"Yes sir!" Wedge called out, and they drove off.

"Well, that was fun." Han said happily.

"Is he coming with us too?" Mara asked.

Everyone nodded, sighing with relief about the rather nerve raking day being over.

()()()()()

Back at the stopped car, Gunray was yelling at the top of his lungs.

"COME BACK, YOU!" Gunray called out. "NO HUMAN'S GONNA MAKE A MONKEY OUT OF ME!"

Haako sighed and had some of the whipped cream, which wasn't half bad.

()()()()()

Back at the carnival, several girls in bathing suits rushed out of the changing tent as Chewbacca rushed out as well.

"I've just gotta catch up with those guys!" Chewbacca remarked as he rushed down the road.

* * *

And so that's the end of that chapter. Sorry it took so long. I kinda got busy with other things.


	10. I Hope That Something Better Comes Along

Chapter 9: I Hope That Something Better Comes Along

As the group continued to drive on, Mara couldn't help starring at Luke.

"Wow, Luke." Mara said, a little nervous. "You were really brave and courageous."

"Gee." Luke said, equally nervous. "I-I don't know what to say."

"Say I was magnificent." Wedge said, slightly resentful over Mara's praise to Luke. "I did the driving."

"And you and I helped Luke catch Han." Leia pointed out.

"Yeah." Han agreed. "You all helped me out there. I owe ya."

"Thanks." Mara asked as she couldn't stop staring at Luke.

"Gee." Luke said as he blushed badly.

"Oh brother." Wedge groaned.

"Um..." Mara said as she looked around. "Why don't we stop somewhere for the night and have a quiet little dinner?"

"Terrific!" Han said enthusiastically. "I know this great place on Ryloth!"

"Uh... I mean along the way." Mara pointed out.

"Oh." Han said, his eagerness deflating slightly. "My mistake."

"Well, that might be nice." Luke agreed.

()()()()()

Stopping at the first restaurant they saw, the group split up to give each of them some room to breathe after spending several days stuck in the car. As such, Luke and Mara had a table all their own outside on a porch in sight of a crescent moon.

"Oh wow." Luke said as Mara returned from the ladies room, dressed in a simple black dress with red lining. "Hey Mara. You look lovely tonight."

"Thank you." Mara said with a smile as she sat down next to Luke. "I'm so sorry if I kept you waiting."

"It was worth it." Luke said with a nervous chuckle.

"How charming of you." Mara said with a smile.

"I uh... Took the liberty of ordering us some wine." Luke said, half afraid he'd been too forward, relieved when Mara seemed more impressed. "Oh waiter?"

The waiter, a slim man with graying hair came up.

"Yes?" The waiter asked impatiently. He seemed to have either had a rough night or was just unpleasant by nature. "May I help you?"

"Uh..." Luke said, caught off-guard by his rudeness. "The wine, please?"

The waiter looked at the basket the wine was in and pulled it out and showed it to Mara.

"Ooh, you mad impetuous fink, it's champagne." Mara said with a smile as Luke knew she was joking when she said that.

"Not exactly." The waiter said plainly. "Sparkling Marceltell. One of the finest wines of Idaho."

"Uh, you may serve us now, please." Luke said, unsure of how restaurants like this worked.

"Oh, may I?" The waiter asked sarcastically.

He then quickly undid the wrapping.

"Look how he does that." Mara said, apparently just as impressed with Luke over how he undid the wrapping around the nozzle since neither had ever really had champagne before.

"Yeah, very suave." Luke agreed.

The waiter then tossed the wrapping away and undid the top with a bottle opener. He then held the cap to Luke.

"Don't you want to smell the bottle cap?" The waiter asked.

"Oh." Luke exclaimed as he sniffed the cap. "Smells alright."

"Would you like to taste it first?" The waiter asked.

"Uh..." Luke said as he didn't have the money to afford another bottle as Mara turned to him.

"I think he's supposed to." Mara whispered in his ear.

"Oh." Luke said with relief. "Uh, would you taste it for us, please?"

The waiter rolled his eyes and took a sip from a spare glass and quickly spit it out.

"Excellent choice." The waiter said robotically.

"It oughta be for ninety-five dactari." Luke told Mara, which impressed her to no end.

The waiter then poured out two glasses with the wine.

"Oh, may we have straws please?" Luke asked.

"Yes." The waiter said. "I expected that."

The waiter then unwrapped a pair of straws and placed one in each glass.

"Thank you." Luke said sincerely. "That'll be all for now."

"Oh, thank you!" The waiter said dramatically as he bowed down. "Thank you very much! Thank you."

He then left, leaving the two alone.

"Here's to you, Mara." Luke said as he lifted his glass, Mara lifted hers, and they clinked the glasses together. "Drink up."

The two drank the wine as it tasted like a generic, carbonated juice as the two sat there nervously.

"This stuff's making me a bit giggly." Mara said with a nervous smile.

"The wine?" Luke asked.

"Everything." Mara said as she and Luke looked at each other intently. Luke's mind quickly became a blank as he'd never felt this way about anyone before.

"I-it's a beautiful evening, isn't it?" Luke asked as he began sweating.

"Yeah." Mara said in a way that told Luke she was just as nervous as he was.

"The moon is just lovely." Luke said, unaware what he was really talking about at this point.

"Yeah." Mara agreed again.

"But you know, Mara, the moon isn't as lovely as you." Luke said, finally getting enough nerve to say what he'd been thinking since he saw her.

With that, the two were just about to kiss when the waiter called out.

"Mara Jade?" The waiter called out in general. "Mara Jade?!"

The waiter walked out to their table.

"You Mara Jade?" The waiter asked.

"Yes." Mara asked confusedly.

"Telephone." The waiter said as he walked off.

"Oh." Mara said as she got up. "Luke, I placed a call to my agent. It'll just take one teeny-tiny moment."

"What the hey." Luke groaned over his luck.

()()()()()

Half an hour after Mara left, Luke was still waiting at the table, unsure of what to do as he heard piano music from almost nowhere as he followed it to find a slim man with black hair playing the piano.

"Evening." The slim man said. "The name's Galen. Sit yourself down."

"Thanks." Luke said as he sat down in a chair. "I'm Luke. Luke Skywalker."

"Pleased to meet you." Galen said, not missing a beat on the piano. "I'm no Mozart, but I get by."

"It was very nice." Luke said sincerely, though his mind was still on Mara.

"Broken heart, right?" Galen asked as he glanced over at Luke.

"Does it show?" Luke asked, surprised at Galen knowing what was wrong almost at once.

"Listen pal, when you've been around the block as many times as I have, you've seen it all, and you've done it all yourself too." Galen said plainly. "A broken heart for every drop of rain, and a shattered dream for every falling star."

"Exactly." Luke agreed. "She just walked out on me."

"Yeah, typical." Galen sighed. "That's why I live alone."

"You do, huh?" Luke asked.

"You bet." Galen answered. "I finish work. I go home. I read a book, have a couple of beers and take a walk for a breather. Then I go to bed."

"Nice and simple." Luke said plainly. He was beginning to regret leaving his old home back in Maine.

"Stay away from women." Galen concluded. "That's my motto."

"But I can't." Luke pointed out.

"Me either." Galen confessed. "That's my problem."

_You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em._

_There's somethin' irresistabullish about 'em._

_We grin and bear it 'cause the nights are long._

_I hope that somethin' better comes along._

"I see what you mean." Luke said as he listened to the song and decided to join in.

_It's no good complainin', and pointless to holler._

_If she's a beauty she'll get under your collar._

_She made a monkey out of old King Kong,_

_I hope that somethin' better comes along._

As the two were singing, Luke began to feel better already and also began seeing the bright side of having someone special in his life.

_Still, it's fun when they're fetchin'_

_And agree to see an etchin'_

_That you keep at your little pad._

_There is no solution, it's part of evolution,_

_You'll soon hear the souls,_

_The little feet of tadpoles!_

"What?" Luke asked.

"Metaphor." Galen explained.

_There's no limitation to mixin' and matchin'_

_Some get an itchin' for a critter they've been scratchin'_

_A skunk was badgered the results were strong._

_I hope that somethin' better,_

_I hope that somethin' better,_

_I hope that somethin' better comes along._

"Phone call for Luke Skywalker!" The waiter called out as he walked over to the duo. "You Luke Skywalker?"

"Yeah." Luke admitted.

"Telephone." The waiter said as Luke walked over and took it.

"Not often you see a green horn have the blues so bad." Galen said to himself as he went for his dinner break.

As Luke grabbed the phone, he heard noise from the street and wondered who could be calling as everybody was in the restaurant.

"Hello?" Luke asked.

"Luke, hang up!" Mara's voice called out from the phone. "Hurry! Hur-"

"Mara, is that you?!" Luke called out in alarm as his eyes widened, and he quickly realized he was set up and wasn't at all surprised to hear Gunray on the other end of the phone just as Mara was cut off.

"Yes, that's her." Gunray said calmly. "And this is Nute Gunray. Now you listen, Skywalker and listen well. Step outside the restaurant, right now. My guys will meet you there.

"Well what if I don't?" Luke asked, trying to sound braver than he felt.

"Then your girlfriend will be singing with the angels." Gunray said as Luke heard Mara continue to struggle.

"Luke, don't do it!" Mara said. "Forget about me, get out of here! Don't-"

The line went dead as Luke distinctly heard Gunray hang up, fuming over the gloating laughter he was sure Gunray was doing right now.

With no other option, Luke walked out of the back of the restaurant as Gunray ordered. Just as he closed the door, several men pointed guns at him.

"So, you the guys I'm supposed to meet?" Luke asked coolly.

* * *

And thus, the plot thickens... When we're already two thirds through it.


	11. Nala Se

Chapter 10: Nala Se

At a barn just out of town, Luke and Mara were tied up as Gunray chuckled when Haako arrived.

"The professor's here, Nute." Rom said in a less than enthused tone.

"Well show her in." Gunray said enthusiastically as he appeared to already think he'd won.

"Luke, I'm not a bit worried." Mara told Luke in a whisper. "I know that between the two of us, we'll think of some way out of this."

"Well, I got us this far, didn't I?" Luke said, so nervous he wasn't exactly sure what he was saying.

Mara just turned to Luke incredulously.

Just then, a Kaminoan with a medical uniform came in and shook Gunray's hand.

"So good to see you again, Viceroy Gunray." The Kaminoan said.

"Nala Se." Gunray said. "Great to see you again, too. How's Kamino?"

"It's doing fine." Nala Se said simply. "So where's my patient."

"Right over here, Professor." Gunray said as he led Nala Se to Mara and Luke. "Let me introduce you to your patient. Luke Skywalker."

Nala Se began examining Luke.

"Nala Se's the galaxy's leading expert on mind control." Gunray said smugly.

"It's a very rapidly growing field." Nala Se agreed in the same calm voice as always. "And I always enjoy a challenge."

"Tell us what you're going to do to Skywalker." Gunray remarked.

"Well, we're going to perform an electronic cerebractomy." Nala Se said plainly.

"Huh?" Everyone asked.

"A little procedure I made up myself." Nala Se explained.

"So what's that?" Gunray asked.

"Let me show you." Nala Se continued. "Droids, bring in the machine."

The droids wheeled in a machine with what looked like an electric chair attached to a computer device.

"This device utilizes both electro-shock therapy and electronic hypnosis to turn the occupant's brains into little more than Jawa juice."

Gunray then chuckled darkly.

"Maybe we can try pulling out of this." Luke told Mara.

"Good idea." Mara remarked as Luke tried to break free, but the ropes were so tight, he couldn't get the proper momentum to break out of them. Mara, however, was used to situations like this. "Don't worry. We just have to keep trying."

"Now, we take your friend, Mr. Skywalker, clamp on the terminals, drop the electric hat onto him, and throw the switch." Nala Se went on.

Nala Se turned the switch on for show as a blue light showed on the device and the metal hat connected to it.

"Once that's done, Mr. Skywalker will then be reprogrammed to do your bidding."

"Perfect." Gunray said with a smirk as he and Nala Se shook hands again. "We'll leave you to it. Rune?"

The two walked off as Gunray turned back.

"I'll be back later to pick up what's left of Mr. Skywalker." Gunray said with a sneer as Haako looked more and more uncomfortable.

"Alright, bring over Mr. Skywalker." Nala Se said after Gunray and Haako had left, and Luke was untied and forced over to the chair.

"Luke, whatever happens next, I'll never give up tonight for anything in the world!" Mara called out dramatically as she was already loosening the bonds around her wrists.

"Make me an offer." Luke said half-jokingly as he was strapped into the machine while Nala Se chuckled.

"You can struggle all you want, Mr. Skywalker." Nala Se remarked, still not even slightly raising her voice. "It'll do you very little good."

Nala Se then pushed a button as the electric hat was lowered onto his head.

"Soon, there'll be enough voltage coursing through your brain to light up Coruscant." Nala Se remarked without so much of a twitch of movement on her face.

"Let him go!" Mara called out.

"Say good-bye to the boy, madam." Nala Se remarked.

"Why should I?" Mara asked.

"Because in a few moments, he won't know you from Mary Jane Watson." Nala Se said plainly as Mara smiled.

"Oh yeah?" Mara asked as she stood up and tossed the ropes away.

She then kicked Nala Se away from the switch and began tossing the droids around the room, rendering all of them destroyed. However, while Mara was fighting, Nala Se had recovered and was reaching for the switch.

"Oh no!" Luke called out. Mara turned around and knocked Nala Se back into the machine as a short circuit freed Luke.

"Run, Luke!" Mara called out.

"Oh thank you!" Luke sighed in relief as they rushed out as Nala Se tried to get up, accidentally throwing the switch as she tried to lift herself up, frying her own brains in the process.

"So, where'd you learn to fight like that?" Luke asked.

"My dad had me enroll in a self-defense class as a kid." Mara explained. She then looked around.

"Well, shall we go now, Luke?" Mara asked. "I'm sure the others are worried about us."

Just then, a phone rang.

"The heck?!" Both of them asked as Luke answered it.

"Hello?" Luke answered as he held the phone to Mara.

"It's for you, Mara." Luke said. "It's your agent."

"Oh." Mara said. "Thank you."

Mara then took the receiver.

"So Marty, what've you got?" Mara asked. "A commercial? How much? Okay."

Mara hung up and went to Luke.

"Um…" Mara said. "You'll probably wanna go ahead without me. There's a job that's going to pay me well, but it'll keep me in town a few more days than the whole group can afford, and I'll catch up to you, okay?"

Luke just stared blankly at her.

"Well…" Mara said, aware that Luke didn't really think she was coming back. "Bye."

Mara walked off, upset with herself that she was leaving Luke heartbroken, but going on anyway.

* * *

At the screening, the film suddenly deteriorated and stopped showing as everyone at the theater complained.

"Hey, what happened?" Luke asked.

"The film ripped!" Leia up in the projector room called out.

"What do you mean it ripped?!" Canderous called out insanely as Bastila and Revan had to hold him down.

"Don't worry Canderous." Luke assured him. "Your big scene is coming up."

"Yeah, yeah." Revan said. "Just calm down and eat something."

"Okay." Canderous said as he began eating his popcorn bucket.

"Well, that was easy." Bastila sighed.

* * *

Intermission time! Take a break. Read a book. Take a walk. Or watch the latest Atop the Fourth Wall. With how often this fic's been updated, you've got time.


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